Worst version of myself

"It feels like I have become  worst version  of myself. I wonder what would be  worst to live like a monster  or die a good man. But there are worse  things than dying. . Shame.. shame isn't  an option  for me.. and I lack the construction  for committing suicide."

A mashup of dialogues from 'You've  got mail', 

'Shutter Island', 

'True Detective'.